Red Nose Day Comic strip

[TopCat]

So let's start with this one:
The tale of Canadian Police and a speeding ticket . . .

Two RCMP Highway Patrol Officers were conducting speeding enforcement on Highway 97, just north of Kelowna BC.
One of the officers was using a hand-held radar device to check speeding vehicles approaching the city. The officers were suddenly surprised when the radar gun began reading 300 miles per hour and climbing.
The officer attempted to reset the radar gun, but it would not reset and then it suddenly turned off.
Just then a deafening roar over the tree tops on Highway 97 revealed that the radar had in fact, locked on to an RCAF CF-18 Hornet which was engaged in a low-flying exercise in the area.

Back at RCMP Headquarters in Kelowna the RCMP Superintendent fired off a complaint to the Base Commander of the CF-18's in Cold Lake Alberta for shutting (actually frying it) down the Highway Patrol's Radar.

The reply came back in true Royal Canadian Air Force style:
"Thank you for your letter . . .
"You may be interested to know that the tactical computer on the Hornet had detected the presence of, and subsequently locked on to, your hostile radar equipment and automatically sent a jamming signal back to it, which is why it shut down."

"Furthermore, an air-to-ground missile aboard the fully armed aircraft had also automatically locked on to your equipment's location."
"Fortunately, the Air Force pilot flying the Hornet recognized the situation for what it was, and quickly responded to the missile system alert status and was able to override the automated defense system before the missile was launched to destroy the hostile radar position on the side of Highway 97. The bottom line is "your guys were lucky they didn't get their doors blown off!

"The pilot suggests you cover your mouths when swearing at them, since the video systems on these jets are very high tech."
"Staff Sergeant Johnson, the officer holding the radar gun, should get his dentist to check his left molar. It appears the filling is loose.
Also, the snap is broken on his holster."
If you need any more details, please don't hesitate to call.

[Jeroen]

Red Nose Day again huh, have some great memories of early Comic Relief evenings on the BBC! Brilliant Richard Curtis, Lenny Henry at full speed, Smith & Jones... must still have a videotape somewhere!

[TopCat]

And another one -not very PC):


A German lorry driver in a pub in Newcastle gobbing off about how lazy the British are, he drives his load from Hamburg, goes through Holland, Belgium, up to Newcastle and back to Hamburg in two days.

This old Geordie man mutters.......Way Ay man....I used to pick up my load in Newcastle drop off in Hamburg and be back in Newcastle the same day.

The German trucker snorted and said....Oh Yeah....what rig were you driving ?








The old fella replied....... A LANCASTER BOMBER !!!!!!!!!!

[Jeroen]

Well ok a classic then


This is the transcript of a radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1995. Radio conversation released by the Chief of Naval Operations 10-10-95.

Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a Collision.

Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.

Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.

Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.

Americans: This is the aircraft carrier USS Lincoln, the second largest ship in the United States' Atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that YOU change your course 15 degrees north, that's one five degrees north, or countermeasures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.

Canadians: This is a lighthouse. Your call.

[uwbuurman]

LOLLLL AT ALL THESE JOKES!